I breathe in to replenish my soul from all that I have put out and taken in. I feel myself exhausted on my natural energy as I strive to sort the chaos into flow.  Incoming chaos sorted and held long enough to feel the presence of the energy around me and I in my own place pulsing within that space. The chaos is not mine alone but standing here with my pulse strong and beating I claim my place.  Focused outward on within. I find my calm, my breath,.and we begin.

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The Gift

Each year I undergo a test or gift however I choose to see it. This gift coming in the form of energy that resonates within me…where I find the most need to be, within that space I find myself and choose the consequences of my interactions. 

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On Veterans Day – Thank you is not enough by George Steven O’Brien

-George Steven O’Brien
To all of my friends,family and all who have served.On this side of the pond or the other. In this world or in that of light. For some of you are no longer here. Your sacrifice is not forgotten. To trade a life of comfort and company for that of metal, noise, violence and fire. For a cause bigger than yourself. I honor you.
The act of War itself, contradicts my very being and beliefs. Yet, I can only Honor you. To put yourself in that kind of an environment, where the potential for death and horror own the passing seconds and can strike at anytime. And when, once witnessed and endured, burn themselves into your soul and cloak you in the fabric of nightmares. I honor you. You do this to protect that which you hold dear and love without limit.
To be able to shed the ” One thousand yard stare”, just for a moment and look into the eyes of a child. Take their hands and scare monsters from their closet and when you whisper to them ” It’s Ok.” They believe you. And when you say” I Love You.” There is no doubt. You didn’t just say it, you showed it. While all of the time, demons are clawing down your door. Demons that no one can see or hear, but you. You danced with them, distracted them, told us to run and now they have you.
You did this for us. You did this because you believed it was right. This kind of strength escapes me. I honor you. Let us welcome the day, that these sorts of violent interactions are but a dark memory in the human story. I wish the Men in big houses, had to smell the fire, taste the copper and drown in the tears of all the broken hearts, who long for one more embrace, one more word, one more second, with those they so loved. Who where sent into the machine, valiant, but blind to the lies they were told. Let these Men in big houses, strap on blades and hit the arena. Let them project their madness upon each other and tear each other apart. I assure you, war would end tomorrow. All of the money wasted on these ridiculous cock comparisons, would heal all that are sick and feed all who are hungry. That is the world I want for all of the children and truly believe you do as well. You took an oath to protect us and it is our duty to also protect you. When you come back broken and the suits turn their backs on you, the suits in big houses. It is us who will step up. We will heal your wounds, listen to your stories, hold you and love you. We will chase the demons from your doors and remind you who you where, who you are and how deeply you are appreciated. When you are strong again we can stand together against the machine. Make this beautiful planet a home for us all. In peace. But first. Those big houses have many closets and there are monsters to deal with.
Telling you “Thank you is not enough. Let us show you. We honor you.
Your Son,
Your Brother,
Your Friend. -G.S.O’Brien

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My mind is on production – Theater and Film

My mind is on production and I can’t wait to set the stage.
Watch characters come to life, react!
Through familiar voices grown rough with age
or raised into the squeaky timbre of an innocence, now snap!
Give me a story, set it to words,
Find me a sound of eastern birds,
The thoughtful inclusion of setting and stone,
Make it a castle, woods or bring us home,
What looks like,. what’s this? Not that.
Periods, styles, materials,. carefully!
Intersect and overlap.
A world revealed in a gesture, make it real.
The bitter battles, the gleeful chuckle, as actor gives in, surreal
To the studious experience of a hard won memory
to be lived in, shared, commemorate
Donning the apparel of ourselves in a different life
different circumstances, time and strife.
We find ourselves set apart, from time and place
where character and ego are interlaced
replaced and following direction and an audiences gaze
we look outward past the seating in a blurred yet lighted haze
Stolen moments behind the scenes we raise our eyes
to the cast behind the stage as they straddle both their lives
electronics lighting blue the face of a captain who never knew
beyond king and country, his political view
cast aside now in harried stride to find his place
now dignified. Here comes a pope in long swift pace
to find his place and here he waits.
Move the camera, find the place
A world of hurry and of long and well-timed waits
Cast the players, eyes and ears in check
Of a storied world brought to life,
to share with care and art’s respect.

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a sacred wish

m e i r o


silently known
laying in the corner of each heart
the greatest honor that bestowed
a basic concept of perfecting the harmony of life
like music, echoed around the world
you…, me… everyone has love
everyone are entitled to live in peace
and  sets us free to resonate in timeless harmony
speak the words of care to bring harmony to our earth
do not let it grow like a tree in the meadow
cluttered by the wind of ego
slowly dried the branches of feelings
or let them just go away
love is a word with deeper meaning of ideal reality
the example of bearer of the light
and be the admiration of all who follow
to shine like star at the dark night of hatred
there’s an inner voice whispering clear to our ears
there’s a sacred sense beating in our hearts
closer and true than we realize

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Solid ground

I thought that I was a bit shaky on my feet. My ankle had sprained and I lost my job (can’t do my job with a sprained ankle) but I kept on pushing forward. I opened up my time to help out with an anti-violence fundraiser, a labor daze event, a couple films and a tv ad. I don’t know how to “take it easy”. I never learned. I find my value in my contribution to helping others. I suppose this is why I’ve been laid up. I had something to learn. Thankfully the financial crunch wasn’t so much that I lost focus of my purpose.

Since I’ve been at home I’ve reorganized my surroundings. I had lost track of misc. repairs that needed to be caught up. I had ignored the twinge in my ankle until it was gone from beneath me and my own stability was rocked and needed to recover. I’ve been reconnecting with my home, my body and my goals. It seems that I have done so just in time to help my friends stabilize into taking their steps toward stability as well.

I’m thankful that I’ve been able to help my friends through their rough times. I would have felt guilty had I not been able to help them when they asked for it. I couldn’t help them financially. They didn’t ask. They only wanted a friendly ear, a soft shoulder and some motivation and love for who they are, where they’ve been and a echo of support in the direction they want for themselves. Once we put it into our own words it’s easier to draw a map to get there. Actionable steps, anything is possible. We can create anything we want but we have to do it with respect. I thought that I had been sidelined and useless. I was beating myself up a bit for being laid up and without a job. Even my injury served it’s purpose. I’ve reconnected with my goals in time to be clear for my friends. One of my friends told me that it was my upbeat attitude during this rough time that reminded her to ask me for guidance when she needed it. I’d say that we all benefited from my injury. I was laid up, not out. Things still worked out well and we’re all going to be better off for the journey. Shaky as things were we always go back to where we know we will find our solid ground of love. <3

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In the interests of giving back during filmmaking

zach and scott zombiesSneak peek! I can’t seem to get involved with a project without figuring out a way to give back a little more than expected to all involved. When I would watch a movie it occurred to me how much waste was involved. There was an obvious intention to filling out a story and making everything seems a piece and plausible. props were procured, actors were cast to fill out a theme and an fulfilment of a dream in theme. I love storytelling. I can understand the purpose behind the design and the elements involved in engaging the mind. As with all of my endeavors, it occurred to me that I couldn’t critique until I could engage a sustainable model as an alternative to be used when at all possible. Of course, this won’t always be the case, but I could try.

sage zombie
We became involved with the local community theater, which runs on a tight budget and tighter space. We’re thankful to be in a town with a penchant for resource recovery. Thrift shops, consignment shops and repurposing is a way of life for many here. Not solely out of necessity but for the novelty and creative outlet it affords us in our daily lives. I’m grateful to this town for providing an outlet to the arts. I’m grateful to the local businesses that allow us the freedom to film and pursue our own goals. We ventured out from Community Theater at the Acrosstown Repertory Theater for a bit of film.

I’m thankful for GFC for allowing me to help with finding locations for the project. I’m thankful for Nicholas May and Brett English, the co-director’s and co-writer’s of the pilot “Generation Z”that encouraged us to move on the project. Thank you to Creative Commons for the fantastic track. Thank you to Leonardo’s Millhopper for opening your space and being such gracious hosts to Gainesville Film Club for the Pilot of Generation Z, as well as your contribution to Labor Daze Fest 2014.
scott and sage zombies

We hit a two in one. We got our NBC Pilot filmed and orchestrated a commercial for Leonardo’s Pizza of Millhopper. Thanks to Michelle Catania for the editing and makeup. Nicholas May for the writing and sound. Chase,..(I need your last name for the camera work). Special thanks to our 2 for 1 actors Wilfredo J. Gonzalez, Scott Gross, my husband, and Sage Gross, my son, as the pizza boy and zombies, respectively. This will be airing on TV20 starting the 8th of October 2014 in Gainesville, Florida at 7:45 p.m. Enjoy! Leonardo’s Millhopper Commercial – No Brains About It

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“Hey! Ho! Fossil Fuels Have Got to Go!” — World Sees Largest Climate March in History Amidst Mounting Dangers

No matter who “profits” from destruction. We only have one Earth.


According to the National Climate Data Center, the summer of 2014 was the hottest in the global record. It was a season of record wildfires, sea surface temperatures far above the 20th Century average, and of record droughts and rainfall events around the globe. And it was a year in which the ability of nations to provide food for the world’s seven billion and growing population amidst a mounting tally of extreme droughts and floods was called increasingly into question.

On Sunday September 24, 2014, the ever-more alarmed people of the world responded.

In New York City, an estimated 410,000 took to the streets to protest the broad failure by global governments and businesses to effectively respond to the growing threat of an ever-increasing fossil fuel emission that is rapidly pushing Earth toward a dangerous hothouse environment. In London, nearly 50,000 protesters gathered as Melbourne, Australia saw 30,000 climate…

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The Pain in Peace

The Pain in Peace.

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Just this. Hands Up, Don’t Shoot and the Social Contract

10599128_755403821183936_1056232566399866651_nThere is a video going around that gives me chills. It’s not due to the graphic nature of the video. I think I’m beginning to become as numb as the rest of the world. My heart hurts for it when I see it and I do my best to spread good in my own circle of the world to try to keep the ground from sliding further into the decay that we see around us. The media the tells us that the qualities of love and acceptance are losing ground to oppression and consumerism. That love for others and community is losing ground to jobs that destroy our way of life and enslave us to becoming dependent upon it to survive. Some of us are doing well. We build houses and dreams on what is and turn a blind eye as those “below” us slide further into despair. Looking forward, not feeling but fearing of the pit that we won’t see if we don’t look down. Just because we don’t acknowledge the problem doesn’t mean that there isn’t one to see. I don’t know about you but I’d rather fight the battle while I have the advantage than wait until the desperate sink ships as more begin to drown. That’s right, it’s “We”. We are in the bigger picture. We’re individuals of a whole. It’s this diversity that keeps us alive through plagues, innovation and necessity. You never know who you’re going to need and what situations needed to be overcome for them to have the ability to help you, should you so need it. Don’t judge. We each have our own paths to travel. Some prefer to take paths that have been tested. Some forge their own paths due to vision or necessity.

Back to the video, why does it bother me so much? We grow up with the rules of the social contract of our society. Bad people get in trouble and go to jail. Do wrong and you’re going to be held accountable to your actions. No one is above the law. This video bothers me because it’s a take on how the world is being viewed today. I’m hard pressed to contradict it.

This video shows us examples that are running rampant in social media. The idea that there is no fair in the world today. That justice can be bought through monetary or popular affiliations. We’re being told that those who create the laws only do so to take advantage of us. We’re told that those who enforce the laws are breaking them. As citizens we grew up thinking that no matter who you are, what your crime, color or religion that we are to equal and assured of our rights. Hands up and a peaceful discourse should lead to a peaceful arrest. Today it seems that breaking the law or seeming to break the law is enough cause for us to be targeted by the police for any number of brutalities from rape, to coercion, to murder and being cannibalized. The bind eye of police brotherhood has shown that those assurances that we had grown up with that rules must be followed for our own safety and the rules of those who protect us no longer hold true.

One example in the video is the “Hands up” gesture. When used this gesture means that no matter your crime, color or offense that you will be peacefully taken to jail so that the law can be served so long as you don’t put up a fight. That we’re innocent until proven guilty by law, evidence, a group of our peers. Kids no longer want to grow up to be police officers as often as they had in the past. The teens that speak to me now are vigilant, watchful and wary of police. The police are likewise wary of their citizens. It’s becoming a cycle of fear aggravated and escalated by the use of force. Each time the police do nothing to stop each other we can’t help but see it as being condoned by the whole.

Where are the videos of one cop stopping another cop in the act? Those are the videos that should go viral. Those are the ones we need to see if there’s any hope of losing ground but for that to happen, it has to happen. It has to spread like a treatment to counter the disease we see. We’re going to lose a generation to despair and the idea that our treatment is not due to our own actions but rather by the lack of accountability, responsibility and fear of those who should protect us that we now are beginning to fear. Well, not me. It doesn’t have to happen to me for me to see where this is going to go. I’m just glad that in our own support, here in Gainesville, the crowd of support was as mixed as it was united and the Chief of Police was sincere in his letter that his department is here to “serve each and every person in the City Of Gainesville”. I hope your officers can say and have displayed the same.

It’s a dangerous time to be a police officer. The way things are headed right now it seems that now is the time to have those who truly hope to serve and protect to find each other and stand up for the integrity of their position. There is a bright side out there. Every one of us has a spark of it. We can use it to add to the light or start a fire. It’s all in how we use our individual energy. I’m sharing the video underneath this piece. It is graphic. You can fester in hate or be part of the change that save us. It seems that it couldn’t save the rapper :(, but that just proves that there needs to be a change.

Hold true to peace and the best of who we are. No matter what comes, if even the smallest seed of the qualities that we treasure survive; we win. Together, just this.




The Video that began my rant today

– J-Jon, C.O.P. Criminals of Permission:
-Sad Follow up on the rapper of that video:
Follow up;

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