I breathe in to replenish my soul from all that I have put out and taken in. I feel myself exhausted on my natural energy as I strive to sort the chaos into flow.  Incoming chaos sorted and held long enough to feel the presence of the energy around me and I in my own place pulsing within that space. The chaos is not mine alone but standing here with my pulse strong and beating I claim my place.  Focused outward on within. I find my calm, my breath,.and we begin.

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The Gift

Each year I undergo a test or gift however I choose to see it. This gift coming in the form of energy that resonates within me…where I find the most need to be, within that space I find myself and choose the consequences of my interactions. 

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On Veterans Day – Thank you is not enough by George Steven O’Brien

-George Steven O’Brien
To all of my friends,family and all who have served.On this side of the pond or the other. In this world or in that of light. For some of you are no longer here. Your sacrifice is not forgotten. To trade a life of comfort and company for that of metal, noise, violence and fire. For a cause bigger than yourself. I honor you.
The act of War itself, contradicts my very being and beliefs. Yet, I can only Honor you. To put yourself in that kind of an environment, where the potential for death and horror own the passing seconds and can strike at anytime. And when, once witnessed and endured, burn themselves into your soul and cloak you in the fabric of nightmares. I honor you. You do this to protect that which you hold dear and love without limit.
To be able to shed the ” One thousand yard stare”, just for a moment and look into the eyes of a child. Take their hands and scare monsters from their closet and when you whisper to them ” It’s Ok.” They believe you. And when you say” I Love You.” There is no doubt. You didn’t just say it, you showed it. While all of the time, demons are clawing down your door. Demons that no one can see or hear, but you. You danced with them, distracted them, told us to run and now they have you.
You did this for us. You did this because you believed it was right. This kind of strength escapes me. I honor you. Let us welcome the day, that these sorts of violent interactions are but a dark memory in the human story. I wish the Men in big houses, had to smell the fire, taste the copper and drown in the tears of all the broken hearts, who long for one more embrace, one more word, one more second, with those they so loved. Who where sent into the machine, valiant, but blind to the lies they were told. Let these Men in big houses, strap on blades and hit the arena. Let them project their madness upon each other and tear each other apart. I assure you, war would end tomorrow. All of the money wasted on these ridiculous cock comparisons, would heal all that are sick and feed all who are hungry. That is the world I want for all of the children and truly believe you do as well. You took an oath to protect us and it is our duty to also protect you. When you come back broken and the suits turn their backs on you, the suits in big houses. It is us who will step up. We will heal your wounds, listen to your stories, hold you and love you. We will chase the demons from your doors and remind you who you where, who you are and how deeply you are appreciated. When you are strong again we can stand together against the machine. Make this beautiful planet a home for us all. In peace. But first. Those big houses have many closets and there are monsters to deal with.
Telling you “Thank you is not enough. Let us show you. We honor you.
Your Son,
Your Brother,
Your Friend. -G.S.O’Brien

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My mind is on production – Theater and Film

My mind is on production and I can’t wait to set the stage.
Watch characters come to life, react!
Through familiar voices grown rough with age
or raised into the squeaky timbre of an innocence, now snap!
Give me a story, set it to words,
Find me a sound of eastern birds,
The thoughtful inclusion of setting and stone,
Make it a castle, woods or bring us home,
What looks like,. what’s this? Not that.
Periods, styles, materials,. carefully!
Intersect and overlap.
A world revealed in a gesture, make it real.
The bitter battles, the gleeful chuckle, as actor gives in, surreal
To the studious experience of a hard won memory
to be lived in, shared, commemorate
Donning the apparel of ourselves in a different life
different circumstances, time and strife.
We find ourselves set apart, from time and place
where character and ego are interlaced
replaced and following direction and an audiences gaze
we look outward past the seating in a blurred yet lighted haze
Stolen moments behind the scenes we raise our eyes
to the cast behind the stage as they straddle both their lives
electronics lighting blue the face of a captain who never knew
beyond king and country, his political view
cast aside now in harried stride to find his place
now dignified. Here comes a pope in long swift pace
to find his place and here he waits.
Move the camera, find the place
A world of hurry and of long and well-timed waits
Cast the players, eyes and ears in check
Of a storied world brought to life,
to share with care and art’s respect.

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a sacred wish

m e i r o


silently known
laying in the corner of each heart
the greatest honor that bestowed
a basic concept of perfecting the harmony of life
like music, echoed around the world
you…, me… everyone has love
everyone are entitled to live in peace
and  sets us free to resonate in timeless harmony
speak the words of care to bring harmony to our earth
do not let it grow like a tree in the meadow
cluttered by the wind of ego
slowly dried the branches of feelings
or let them just go away
love is a word with deeper meaning of ideal reality
the example of bearer of the light
and be the admiration of all who follow
to shine like star at the dark night of hatred
there’s an inner voice whispering clear to our ears
there’s a sacred sense beating in our hearts
closer and true than we realize

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Solid ground

I thought that I was a bit shaky on my feet. My ankle had sprained and I lost my job (can’t do my job with a sprained ankle) but I kept on pushing forward. I opened up my time to help out with an anti-violence fundraiser, a labor daze event, a couple films and a tv ad. I don’t know how to “take it easy”. I never learned. I find my value in my contribution to helping others. I suppose this is why I’ve been laid up. I had something to learn. Thankfully the financial crunch wasn’t so much that I lost focus of my purpose.

Since I’ve been at home I’ve reorganized my surroundings. I had lost track of misc. repairs that needed to be caught up. I had ignored the twinge in my ankle until it was gone from beneath me and my own stability was rocked and needed to recover. I’ve been reconnecting with my home, my body and my goals. It seems that I have done so just in time to help my friends stabilize into taking their steps toward stability as well.

I’m thankful that I’ve been able to help my friends through their rough times. I would have felt guilty had I not been able to help them when they asked for it. I couldn’t help them financially. They didn’t ask. They only wanted a friendly ear, a soft shoulder and some motivation and love for who they are, where they’ve been and a echo of support in the direction they want for themselves. Once we put it into our own words it’s easier to draw a map to get there. Actionable steps, anything is possible. We can create anything we want but we have to do it with respect. I thought that I had been sidelined and useless. I was beating myself up a bit for being laid up and without a job. Even my injury served it’s purpose. I’ve reconnected with my goals in time to be clear for my friends. One of my friends told me that it was my upbeat attitude during this rough time that reminded her to ask me for guidance when she needed it. I’d say that we all benefited from my injury. I was laid up, not out. Things still worked out well and we’re all going to be better off for the journey. Shaky as things were we always go back to where we know we will find our solid ground of love. <3

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zach and scott zombiesSneak peek! I can’t seem to get involved with a project without figuring out a way to give back a little more than expected to all involved. When I would watch a movie it occurred to me how much waste was involved. There was an obvious intention to filling out a story and making everything seems a piece and plausible. props were procured, actors were cast to fill out a theme and an fulfilment of a dream in theme. I love storytelling. I can understand the purpose behind the design and the elements involved in engaging the mind. As with all of my endeavors, it occurred to me that I couldn’t critique until I could engage a sustainable model as an alternative to be used when at all possible. Of course, this won’t always be the case, but I could try.

sage zombie
We became involved with the local community theater, which runs on a tight budget and tighter space. We’re thankful to be in a town with a penchant for resource recovery. Thrift shops, consignment shops and repurposing is a way of life for many here. Not solely out of necessity but for the novelty and creative outlet it affords us in our daily lives. I’m grateful to this town for providing an outlet to the arts. I’m grateful to the local businesses that allow us the freedom to film and pursue our own goals. We ventured out from Community Theater at the Acrosstown Repertory Theater for a bit of film.

I’m thankful for GFC for allowing me to help with finding locations for the project. I’m thankful for Nicholas May and Brett English, the co-director’s and co-writer’s of the pilot “Generation Z”that encouraged us to move on the project. Thank you to Creative Commons for the fantastic track. Thank you to Leonardo’s Millhopper for opening your space and being such gracious hosts to Gainesville Film Club for the Pilot of Generation Z, as well as your contribution to Labor Daze Fest 2014.
scott and sage zombies

We hit a two in one. We got our NBC Pilot filmed and orchestrated a commercial for Leonardo’s Pizza of Millhopper. Thanks to Michelle Catania for the editing and makeup. Nicholas May for the writing and sound. Chase,..(I need your last name for the camera work). Special thanks to our 2 for 1 actors Wilfredo J. Gonzalez, Scott Gross, my husband, and Sage Gross, my son, as the pizza boy and zombies, respectively. This will be airing on TV20 starting the 8th of October 2014 in Gainesville, Florida at 7:45 p.m. Enjoy! Leonardo’s Millhopper Commercial – No Brains About It

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